Celebrities and Me (not to be)

Well, it's raining here in beautiful Arkansas today. No motorcycle ride (today at least). I was going to write about what a crappy week it's been. I can't remember how long it's been since I've had this much conflict with this many people. I don't care for my new position as site supervisor. I don't wear the mantle of "the man" comfortably. Well, I was going to write about all of that but why relive it? Instead, I thought I would make a list of all the celebrities I've encountered in my vast travels. I've never actually talked to any of them (I don't think) because that's not my style. Who wants to bug some guy you've seen on t.v. and you can't really get into what you'd like to in just a brief passing on the street with someone like Jimmy Carter. So here in no particular order is

Brian's Hall of Near Misses:

First up is the aforementioned former President. I saw him in the Fairbanks Alaska airport. I read in the paper he was on a fishing trip.

My next airport spotting was the "comedian" Carrot Top, pre-steroid days. We were both taking a puddle jumper from Dallas to Lawton Oklahoma. I remember being the only person to recognize him. He looked at me with an expression that either meant, please don't bother me or please ask for my autograph, I'm not sure.

Next celeb in an airport, Cheri Oteri (whom I used to have a crush on) in Denver airport. I was getting off the rail line and she was getting on. She is short, and cute. Her companion was about 7 feet tall. She also had a scared look on her face when she saw that I was aware of her.

Next, and final airport sighting was with my brother in Atlanta. We were walking down this lonely corridor, lost, when my brother cracked nonchalantly, "Hey here comes Al Franken" thinking it was some shmuck that looked like Al Franken. Turns out it was just that shmuck Al Franken. He had the best celebrity reaction I've seen thus far. He started looking at the blank wall like he was searching for something on it just to avoid eye contact.

One of my favorite sightings, like the Jimmy Carter incident, also took place in Fairbanks. David Copperfield was performing in town one weekend. My friends and I were coming out of the movie at the local cineplex. There was a group of younger teenage girls all running around exited. I didn't think much of it but kind of wondered what their problem was. As I walked out the exit, there behind the snack bar and a sales girl was the magic man himself. He had a super-sized soda up to his mouth and was looking on at the teens as they carried on. I think his greatest magic trick must be having women go crazy over him. I know the Claudia Schiffer jokes have all been overdone. I'll refrain. It turns out that of the four guys I was with, I was the only one that saw him. I'm proud of the fact that I didn't fall prey to his Jedi mind tricks. I'd like to think I would have got hold of his wallet if it had been me mugging him last week.

Then there was the Denny's in Gallup, New Mexico where I dined a mere twenty feet away from Mike Wallace. He's much taller than you would expect and pretty old looking. Don't know what he was having. Probably a double helping of ego with a side of pompus ass.

The last one is a judgment call. It's both my best and most frustrating. I was at Whistler Mountain ski resort in Canada. As I was walking out of the condo office I saw a vagabond sitting on the bench outside the door. I thought he looked out of place and he looked at me with that same scared look Carrot Top gave me. Then in two steps I thought, "Hey, that's Brad Pitt in his Legends of the Fall beard". In the time it took me to make those two steps, I turned around and the bum was gone. I'll never know if it was him but I've spent several evenings imagining myself sipping sherry and smoking cigars with Brad and Jen in the hot tub at Whistler Mountain.