Health Issues

Well, this is frustrating. I had two profound thoughts I wanted to write down but in the time it took me to get from the bathroom to the computer they were gone. That’s right. Profound thoughts come to me on the can. Of course it doesn’t do any good because they usually disappear five minutes later. I’m hoping that some day you’re not reading this and watching the slow collapse of my mental capacity as I slide into old age, senility and dementia. There was, after all, a study a few years ago that tied dementia to obesity. And like the study that claims I’m obese, it’s got to be true. Of course I don’t consider myself obese. I’m 5’8” and 220 lbs so I am fat but I like to think of myself as strapping. My last job required a physical every year and every year I tested fine for everything but triglycerides. They were always “elevated” and the form letter that accompanied the test results suggested I consult a physician. Well this year as I slide closer and closer to fifty, sixty, senility and dementia, I decided to consult a physician. Like all doctors I’ve seen before, he was impressed by my genes, which is always comforting to me. Apparently I come from good stock, the Glass family tends to go on, the occasional case of emphysema not withstanding. I digress. Anyway after a “battery” of tests it was determined that I was healthy except for elevated triglycerides. I was sure I would receive a severe dressing down from my doctor but my condition was met with a life affirming “meh, it’s not that high”. I guess at this time I should point out that triglycerides are related to cholesterol in some shady way that I don’t completely understand, it’s the fat count in the body or some such. I should also point out that Lisa had elevated levels too and got the same devil may care response from our doctor. Either he’s one callous bastard or these triglycerides aren’t as big a deal as the Today Show would have us believe. Lisa’s results got me wondering how many people have this problem (I’m not typing triglycerides again). Is it the internal medicine equivalent of labeling everyone not 5’8” and 164 pounds as obese? Do I sound bitter?

As always I have no conclusions to draw from any of this, I was just hoping that that profound though would have come back to me by now.