Tuesday, January 31, 2006

State Of The Union Address

As I sit here watching the President's speech, I'm reminded of my last post...

MONKEYS!!!


It's confession time again. This one is about chimps. I love chimps on t.v. My current favorite is the Jackson Hewitt ad. If you haven't seen it, Tarzan is sitting at a desk with a chimp on his lap. When the accountant asks Tarzan who did his taxes the chimp raises his hand. Classic use of an ape.

Then there's the Career Builder.com website. A virtual cornicopia of chimp ads. My favorite is Titanic.
I think this all dates back to Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp. A favorite of my youth.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Long Trip Home

Well, Lisa just left on the 14 hour trip back to Littleton Colorado with the girls. It has been a rough weekend for all concerned. Lisa arrived Friday morning after driving all night (no Cyndi Lauper or Celine jokes please). We had a nice pleasant afternoon. My boss (who helped Lisa and I get together in the first place) gave me the afternoon off and we just relaxed in the room. If I had an inkling of the weekend to come I would have enjoyed every minute more.

It started out okay, we had to get up early to get a few supplies, collars, leashes and a blanket for the cage Lisa had brought. We had to pick them up at about 6 in the morning. The pups were terrified when we picked them up and put them in the cage. It took us about fifteen minutes of sweet talking to calm them enough to even be able to pick them up. Once I started down the dirt road they started shaking uncontrollably.

Truck Ride

Lisa insisted on riding in the back with them and she's not one you can argue with where a dog's well being is concerned. It was freezing until we got down off the hill, then it was only cold. We had to get the dogs to the Vilonia Animal Clinic between 7:30 and 8:00 a.m. They were booked up but made an extra effort to get the pups in for the rabies vaccine. Like most people that deal with animals, they love them and we're really good with the scared dogs. On the way back from the vet's it started raining. It would continue raining for the rest of the day.

Lisa wanted to go to Hot Springs for site seeing. Her original trip was planned before the dogs so we wanted to at least do something together. We have a National Parks pass and Hot Springs National Park is right downtown. It's all the old bath houses. It's very cool, I'll right more about that later. Anyway, it's about an hour and a half from Conway. I was a little nervous about dragging the puppies that far, it was already a rough day for them. Lisa pointed out that they might as well get use to the road on a little break-in journey. They had a long trip ahead of them. They handled it like troopers, I had a tarp over the cage and they stayed surprisingly dry and relatively comfy in the back of the truck. There was a minor incident and one of them "made" in the cage. It was our fault though because they were barking and we thought it was just because they didn't like it cooped up. We got the mess cleaned up and everything was fine from then on. Once we had done the tourist thing we walked them around a park. Lisa and I were constantly amazed at their good nature and adaptability. They were getting used to being on a leash quickly.

The main source of frustration was being in a hotel and fleas. We couldn't bring them in the room but they would bark when left in the cage. Drunk guys in the hotel next door didn't help. Lisa and I got them a few toys at PetsMart and drove them around with us. They like riding. After returning to the hotel after dinner I had to take them for another ride at 9:30. That put them out and I parked in a quieter part of the parking lot. We kept our fingers crossed and the window open and it was all quiet until this morning.

All in all it wasn't so bad, the weather and hotel were the biggest obstacles. They are sweet dogs with two distinct personalities. The good news is Lisa's mom is going to take one and her aunt is keeping the other. They will be well loved.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Sisters

Sisters
Sisters,
originally uploaded by briankeithglass.
Here is the source of my stress and anxiety for the last week and a half. Today was a big day. The geophysicist bought them puppy chow and flea collars today. They were pretty happy. They were full of energy and spent a good part of the morning chasing one another and wrestling. The mid-day consisted of naps and by the end of the day they were chewing on one anothers ears and back at the chasing.

Things are looking better and worse. The Humane Society finally returned my calls. They don't have a building here. It's foster families for the dogs and some families have eight dogs! They are going to work on finding a volunteer but in the meantime I think Lisa and I are going to take them to a clinic for a free spay and shots and any medical attention they need. Hopefully there will be a foster family willing to take them in but Lisa is prepared to take them to Denver to a better no-kill shelter.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Canine Underground Railroad

Well, the dog plot thickens. After trying for two days to get the Faulkner County Humane Society to even RETURN my calls, I finally found out there's no room at the inn. Animal control can't turn them away but they would have to euthanize two other dogs to make room for these pups. I don't want that. Conway Arkansas is not a good place to be a dog. So I've brought the fullest extent of my vast resources to bear on the problem. My network discovered a shelter, the only catch being I have to live in Little Rock. My network (i.e. brother) is devious so it came up with a fake address just in case. The whole thing is turning into a surreal Hogan's Heroesque episode. If two dogs' little lives weren't hanging in the balance I would be enjoying the subterfuge. To up the suspense factor we've got some crazy-ass redneck threatening to kill the dogs if they get into his chickens. I've convinced him that I'll take care of the pup's this weekend so I think he'll hold off. I can't bring them back to the hotel, no dogs allowed of course.

As ugly as all of this sounds, I'm feeling pretty good about this. If I can't get them into the shelter in Little Rock they'll be making a trip to Denver with Lisa. She's coming down to visit this weekend. Denver is a big dog town so there should be plenty of good shelters. We will not let anything bad happen to them even if we end up with two goddamned black lab pups! They are awful sweet.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

A Kinder Gentler Me

I've started about four different entries over the last week and none have stuck. I'm getting into one of my annoyed at everything moods but really haven't felt the desire to inflict my sour grapes on anyone. I hit the little "Next Blog" button and came across this annoying ninny. I would love to meet someone like that in person. They must be a real pill at parties. I wonder how people can be that negative and worked up all the time? I guess that's why I haven't been into my old political rants. It takes a lot out of you when you get worked up. I can't imagine doing it every day, she must have very high blood pressure.

I had a little thing on the death penalty going. I'm oddly inconsistent on several issues and this is one. I started out with an argument against it but by the end I had myself convinced that it wasn't so bad. The libertarian in me is in constant struggle with the conservative. The conservative in me long ago cut off the liberal's heat, thus forcing him out into the cold.

The kinder gentler me has a cause to fight for. There are two abandoned black lab puppies out in the woods where we are working. I'm taking lessons from my brother, the samaritan of the four legged world. The dog in the picture is Kirby, the newest member of the Glass household. The dogs offficially have the majority vote in the house (of course they always did). So now I have the soft touch. Lisa and I have been talking about adopting one of the pups but we're pretty busy this year and might not be able to give her our full attention. We'll see though, Lisa is a bigger softy than I am. It's kind of nice to think that these two little dogs have people worried for them as far away as Denver Colorado and Columbus Ohio.

So there you have the week in review. It was a good week, it's always better when I don't get worked up.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hotel Living

I have a sick, sad confession to make. I was sliding my Hormel Salisbury Steak (with sliced potatoes & gravy) dinner into the microwave when a random thought struck. I had just taken my shower after getting home from work. I was still wrapped in a towel and thanks to the intimate (some would say cramped) living quarters of my hotel room I had to take about eight steps from the bathroom to the mini-fridge to the microwave to get dinner ready. I was hit with the realization that I love hotel living. For some odd, almost sad reason, I look forward to crappy microwave meals, laying on a lumpy mattress watching a t.v. with no contrast control and way too much contrast. I love Lisa more than I love breathing or my motorcycle but I love being in a motel room by myself too. I'm not sure what this says about me. I don't know if this is the cause or effect of the job. All I know is I would feel uncomfortable living in a house too much bigger than 1800 square feet. My house is a duplex and my place is about the size of a two bedroom apartment. It's perfect.

There's a gratifying feeling of being protected from the outside by a hotel. I know for security reasons the hotel with access from inside is safer but I'm partial to the motel because I like to sit with the door open on a cool sunny day or during a spring shower. You're in your room but outside is right there. It's all very exhilarating

It will sound lazy perhaps but I love the fact that someone will come in and make your bed and bring you fresh towels every day. It's like being royalty. To be honest I can't think of any drawbacks except that sometimes a hotel won't have AV jacks for me to plug the X Box into the t.v. Or they won't have high speed internet. That doesn't happen too often though, hell even truck stops have wireless internet these days. There's just no excuse for not having it. Lisa actually likes staying in hotels too, maybe that's one of the reasons we are compatible. She gets bored after awhile though. I can't really blame her. She is normal after all.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Conway Arkansas

I went for a ride yesterday. It was sixty degrees and sunny. A rare nice day in Arkansas so far. I still didn't ride too far though. It is, like most places this time of year, brown and drab even on a sunny day. I usually need a destination or reason to ride this time of year. I'm hoping to go to Hot Springs next weekend to check it out. When I found out I was going to Arkansas I brought Hot Springs by Stephen Hunter with me. I've been a fan of Stephen Hunter for a while now. One of my favorite books is Dirty White Boys. It takes place in and around Lawton Oklahoma where I've spent a lot of time working at Ft Sill. Hot Springs takes place in the forties and a lot of the old gambling halls mentioned in the book are historical landmarks now. It should be fun to match fiction against fact.

If there is one thing about my job I feel blessed about it's the travelling. It's more than just what a vacation might offer. A lot of times you get to really know a place like you can't staying in an RV for a week. Several of the guys I work with feel we should work six or seven days a week and as much over-time as we can get. Their belief is if they have to be on the road they would rather be earning money. That line of thought has always bugged the hell out of me. It seems to be the prevailing opinion though. Of my friends that don't feel that way most of those have a motorcycle. I don't think it's a coincidence. I don't like to be one of those guys that claims his pastime/profession or what have you is the best and only worthy pursuit. But I have a t-shirt that says "You never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychiatrist's office" and I'd have to say that's about the wisest t-shirt I've ever owned. I'm very rarely bored when I have a map and the bike with me.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

A Trivial Pursuit

I was thinking about my guest list for the perfect cocktail party. This is one of those time wasting pursuits that come up when there is nothing else going on or you have a few beers in you, or in this case both of those circumstances. In no particular order these are my guests.

I would have to have Peter Egan. He's a columnist for Cycle World magazine and Road & Track. I think of him as the Ernie Pyle of motor journalism. His stories are about riding motorcycles but are at the same time universal and some are down right touching. Plus he loves Guiness.

Next would be Brian Johnson & Angus Young. For reasons that should be obvious to anyone who knows me, I would love to get drunk with the lead singer and guitarist of AC/DC. Nothing against the rest of the band, they're all invited too but I love these two guys. Although I must confess I probably wouldn't be able to follow Angus's conversation but that's okay, I imagine we'd be too pissed to worry about it.

P.J. O'Rourke could get pissed with us. A conservative for convenience of identification but a libertarian at heart, his book Parliment of Whores started me down the path to enlightenment. His Holidays In Hell was true gonzo journalism without any of the forced posturing of Hunter S. Thompson. Well maybe a little posturing.

I would include Valentino Rossi because I'm curious if the 5 time Moto GP Champion is as cheerful and friendly as he acts. You never see the guy without a smile. He's one of the greatest racers of all time. Plus the Italian accent cracks me up.

I think Lyle Lovett would be on the list. He's one of the few musicians Lisa and I both agree on. He's kind of an enigma to me. He seems like a great guy yet he married Julia Roberts, I'd like to find out what that's about. And he rides a Ducati. I don't know if he drinks Guiness though.

Thomas Jefferson for the obvious (that whole founding father thing). We could plot the over throw of tyrannical governments (not naming any names).

And finally Cindy Crawford and Rita Hayworth because in reviewing the list I noticed the women are severly under-represented.

I'm sure I could come up with several more but this would be a good start. I don't have any particular things I would talk about. I would just hope that like all good parties everything would come naturally.

Monday, January 9, 2006

New Cynical Post

Let me see if I've got this straight. The avian flu may or may not turn into a "pandemic". The experts can't agree on this (you can't even get a consensus from the same person). I have heard more than one "expert" claim that a pandemic is inevitable, it is only a matter of time. Of course they always include the disclaimer that the bird flu may or may not be that pandemic. You have to ask yourself why the big deal now. According to the CDC website the flu has been infecting people as far back as 1997. Granted that's not even ten years but no one has cared until the past year or so. There have been 140 cases of humans with the disease and "a few cases of human to human spread". The world's population is 6,484,988,327. Who can tell me what the percentage of cases is? Anyone? No seriously, I'm asking. I'm lousy at math and my calculator is tit's up. Anyway, I'm betting it's a very small number. While I'm sure the family member's who lost someone to bird flu don't find it amusing (and I'm not making light of their loss, or trying not to) I'm not sure I see the panic. I'm going to throw a few crack pot theories out there just for fun. Bush is pushing it to take focus off of his failed... well everything he's done. Another one (from my brother, no less) is Donald Rumsfeld is in cahoots with the drug companies like he was back in the seventies during the BIG swine flu epidemic. Or it's just a case of those wacky old whipping boys, the press running something into the ground. I'd have to check but I bet the stories on avian flu, like stories about prostitution rings, goes up during sweeps week. Take your pick, I personally think it's the Rosicrucians. Off on a tagent, I'd just like to point out that my brother used to be level headed but is slowly becoming a crazier conspiracy theory nut than I am. Good for you Bryce.

So what conclusions can we draw? None, it's just another case of all a bunch of bullshit.

Mid-Winter

We’re deep into winter here in Ohio and cabin fever is setting in. There’s snow outside the window. I’m simultaneously helping and increasing the fever by watching Faster. It’s a documentary on the 2001-02 Moto GP race season. It’s a great movie full of human drama and some awesome racing action. I love watching someone ride a motorcycle almost as much as I love riding one myself. I really love to watch people who are the best at what they do doing what that thing is. Moto GP is the top of motorcycle racing so these guys are the best. I’m getting excitied to ride now. I had a few opportunities to ride in Denver over Christmas but couldn’t bring myself to get out and do it. It was a little chilly but usuallly weather doesn’t bother me, although sometimes it’s all the difference between going for a ride or not. So I go through varing degrees of enthusiasm for riding. I always love to ride but sometimes it’s just harder for me to get on the bike. Right now I’m feeling pretty enthusiastic, I’m hoping Arkansas (where I’m headed next) will have some warm days. I’m not too familiar with that area so I’m not sure what it’ll be like in January or February.

I’m feeling excited because I returned home to a few issues of Motorcyclist and Cycle World magazines. The February issue of Motorcyclist had a picture of the new Yamaha V Max. I’m glad to say the new V Max is a fitting evolution for the original. I have a 97 model which is virtually the same model as a 1985 model, which is virtually the same as a 2005 model. In the bikes 20 year history only minor changes have been made over the years and it shows. It’s still the most fun motorcycle to ride but it’s a little scary to be riding on 20 year old technology. I would compare riding my FZ1 to the V Max like the difference between a steel rollercoaster and a wooden one. The V Max vibrates and shimmies in turns while the FZ1 handles like it’s on rails. I hope Yamaha keeps the awe inspiring V four motor in the original V Max. The torque is incredible. In an original review from 1985 a Motorcyclist writer said while riding the V Max he saw Jesus so many times he started using him as a braking marker. That line always cracks me up and I’ve taken to stealing it for my own use.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

More Books

These are a few of the books I've enjoyed the past year in no particular order.

On Writing by Stephen King. I'm not a big follower of King's work but I've always liked every book of his I've read. This one has a chilling chapter describing King being hit by a van. It's a master story teller describing his own near death accident.

Paying the Piper by David Drake. This is a collection of three novellas combined in to a Hammer's Slammers novel. It's a science fiction series about a mercenary tank regiment written by a former Vietnam veteran tanker. It's fun brainless entertainment.

Tishomingo Blues, a book from a few years ago by Elmore Leonard. It's an akward sounding plot, a professional diver mixed up with gangsters from Detroit, the "Dixie Mafia", Civil War reenactors, and it all takes place around the famous crossroads where Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil. It would be goofy if not for the fact that Elmore Leonard wrote it.

That's it for now. It's late and I've got to get up early. I'm staying in Kingdom City, Missouri on my way home from Denver.